I used to visit my 84-year-old father every other weekend. I spend a night or two every time. For the past 4 – 5 years he has asked me one of the following questions every single time I’ve visited.
He asks;
“How’s your love life?”
“Did you meet any girls lately?”
“Are you involved with any one now?”
“Are you seeing anyone?”
“Is there someone special in your life?”
“Do you have any romance in your life?”
“Have any new romances popped up?”
“Did you meet anyone new at your new job?”
“Have you ever dated a nice girl in your life?”
“You said you were consulting with a (female) nutritionist. Is she available?” (She was 60 years old and hated her husband because he never made enough money.)
“Are you dating anyone special?”
“I know this girl (53-year-old divorced woman) that thinks you are handsome.”
He just won’t stop no matter how gruff of a response I give him.
I’ve answered the above questions with the following;
“No.”
“No!”
“I only love GOD and Jesus. There is no room left in my heart for anyone else.”
“I don’t have enough money, time or effort to make any one woman happy. I’ve failed every time.”
I’ve asked him, “How many times do you think you can poke a tiger before it attacks?”
I’ve even started to respond with, “NO! BECAUSE I’M A FUCKEN FAGOT! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR? DO I EMBARRASS YOU BECAUSE I’M SINGLE? AM I NOT A MAN BECAUSE I’M SINGLE? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME THAT YOU PRESS FOR SO LONG? DO YOU THINK I’M A FAGOT BECAUSE I WALK ALONE?”
My best friend of 35 years has never once seen me angry, ever! He saw for the very first time how angry and enraged I got when I explained this situation.
Meanwhile nothing is said about my eldest sister that has 3 kids from 3 men that were all substance abusers and lives in the NYC Housing Projects.
Now my younger (half) brother chimes in with his two cents trying to probe me for information as to why I don’t have a girlfriend and it are getting sick.
Sure, I see a girl or two on the side. I never pay one dime to be with them. But I toss them away once they start their shit. I dare not bring them to my place let alone my dad’s home.
In the book, “The Art of War”, Sun Tzu said, “You can never avoid war. You only postpone it.” I have come to understand this quote more and more. I should have tossed over tables and chairs after he asked me the third time.
I hang out with my youngest (half) brother (age 30) we go out and have fun all the time. I flirt with waitresses and bartenders and other females everywhere we go. We have a great time together always.
I stopped visiting my dad until he texts me telling me he misses me, I text him back with, “What time is the intervention? Are you going to ask me about my love life again?”
He promises me that he won’t but when I arrive, he continues.
I leave the next day and stay away longer.
Most people I tell this tell me that he nags me because he loves me. That is sick and twisted. Why do people have this deranged view of love? Where is the love in asking a question over and over again when the answer has been the same year in and year out? Since when nagging until you strike anger is love? Why is it love to enrage someone for so long?
Please give me advice. I do not want to miss out on my father’s company this late in life. I reunited with him after I walked away for 22 years. He got remarried and his wife is a real gem. I love her dearly. But at that time, I didn’t believe I fit in his new life.
I have no problem walking away. I walked away from my mother and sister for upwards of 15 years after they blamed me for my wife leaving, cheating and stealing $250,000 from me. (It’s not stealing if you are married)
Please help.